How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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