i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
