i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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