Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
