So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
