don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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