Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
