Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
