Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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