sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
kristin has been a bad kristin
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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