I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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