he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
