This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
