I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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