so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
