How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Text me some of your sweat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize