I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I still have a little drunk in my system
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
