1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
