oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
