I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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