I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
