I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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