She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
where are my eyebrows?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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