I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
