Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
