So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
