i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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