so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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