Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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