This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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