oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
