she was so not down for the gang bang
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
