Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
