It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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