Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
