I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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