Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize