Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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