Nicole vs. Life
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize