Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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