so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
