You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
