You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My life is pants optional.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
