He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
