we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
