nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize