How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
