Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
