I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
