She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
