Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
