hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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