this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
