He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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