I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
