The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
