I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
