I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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