I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
