i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
