could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
