I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
