I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
