I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
