so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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