My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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