Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize