i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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