yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
