It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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